It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
