well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
