HIV tests are more positive than that guy
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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