even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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