am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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