Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i think i have two assholes
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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