Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
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Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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