I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
