Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
