Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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