Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
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He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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