Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
