did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
