I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
