also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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