i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
