i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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