Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
