can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
