if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
