yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
