Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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