just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize