I met the friendliest cop last night
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
