I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
