Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
