Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize