So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
