Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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