these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
