Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
