That's intense
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
