i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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