you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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