listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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