I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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