69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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