i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
