Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
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And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
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You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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