Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
