she woke up with a sticky ear
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
50% drunk capacity currently
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
