This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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