Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
