We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
