belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did