I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
