I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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