Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
if i can run in heels then i can drive
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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