The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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