Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
