Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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