Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
