I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
