Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
