I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
