I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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