mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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