her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
